She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
