i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
