i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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