my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize