You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
