Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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