she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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