Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
