On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
