dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my shit smells like andre
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
