my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
