My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
