I want to have your abortion
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
