I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
