There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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