haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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