Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
