speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize