and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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