i'm lost and i look like a hooker
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize