I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
