I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
