dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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