Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize