Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
