i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
