watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize