The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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