just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
