i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
