he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
