So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
