i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
