i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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