Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
