Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
