All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
