One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
