i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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