i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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