Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
