New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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