1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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