why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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