Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
