Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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