nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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