he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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