Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
