my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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