I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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