Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
