I bet he comes in French.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
