He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
