I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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