last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
