I wish i was in the wii world.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
