Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
