Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
