she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
