Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
