Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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