Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
