Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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