it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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