You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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