I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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