We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
