smell my finger.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
