Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
