oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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