K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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