She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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