Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
